The unstoppable force of anorexia

On days like today my anorexia does feel like an unstoppable force. Despite having come so far I find myself preparing the bare minimum for lunch and then forcing it down my throat, making an effort to hold back tears. I'm not tearful because I'm afraid of gaining weight. The truth is I'm not afraid of gaining weight. I'm tearful because I have no appetite. I have not truely had an appetite for over a year. I still find it incredibly difficult to determine what my body needs in terms of nutrients. Hunger is confusing to me, and lack of hunger is even more so. As a result I end up giving my body less food than it needs - not much less, but enough to make me lose a little weight. I'm frustrated with myself. I have a week to gain the weight back before being weighed again and this weigh in means more than the others; it will determine whether or not I can be discharged as planned. It's only a little weight loss. It shouldn't be too hard to put back on...